Teaching the Fear of the Lord Before Crisis Comes
David M. Tyler, PhD.
Featured Excerpt
Rebellion rarely begins in a moment, it develops over time. Scripture calls parents not only to correct behavior, but to shape the heart through the fear of the Lord long before crisis comes.
Introduction: The Work That Happens Before the Crisis
Teaching the fear of the Lord to children is central to biblical parenting.
By the time rebellion becomes visible, much of the heart has already been shaped.
Parents often feel caught off guard when attitudes shift, resistance increases, or a child begins to pull away. It can feel sudden. But as we have seen, rebellion is rarely abrupt, it develops gradually through patterns of thinking, desire, and influence.
If you have not read it yet, this is why understanding that rebellion develops over time is so important (see: What Causes Teenage Rebellion? Why It Is Rarely Sudden).
That means the most important work of parenting often takes place before anything appears to be wrong. Scripture does not call parents merely to respond to crisis. It calls them to form the heart. And at the center of that formation is one foundational truth:
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Proverbs 1:7).
Begin at the Beginning: The Foundation of Wisdom
If parents want their children to walk in wisdom, they must begin where Scripture begins. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning…” That is not a suggestion. It is a starting point. Parents are often tempted to begin elsewhere, to focus first on behavior, discipline strategies, emotional struggles, or visible problems. But Scripture directs attention to something deeper.
A child is never simply managing behavior. He is living before God, responding to God, and being shaped by what he fears, loves, and serves. To understand a child rightly, we must begin with God.
“In the beginning God…” (Genesis 1:1).
This changes how parents approach everything. The issue is not merely what the child is doing, but what is shaping the child’s heart.
What Is the Fear of the Lord?
The fear of the Lord is not mere fearfulness or dread. It is a reverent awareness of God that leads to submission, obedience, and worship. It is seeing God as He truly is, holy, sovereign, wise, and good, and responding rightly. Scripture teaches:
- “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Proverbs 1:7)
- “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10)
- “Fear God and keep His commandments” (Ecclesiastes 12:13)
The fear of the Lord is not abstract. It shapes how a child thinks, chooses, and responds in everyday life.
A Child Is Never Neutral
One of the most important truths parents must understand is this: It is not a matter of if a child will fear and worship, it is a matter of what a child will fear and worship.
A child will either grow in the fear of the Lord, or he will be controlled by lesser fears and lesser loves. If the fear of God is not being formed, something else will take its place:
- fear of man (peer approval)
- desire for acceptance
- love of comfort
- attachment to possessions
- emotional impulses
This connects directly to what many parents begin to notice later (see: What Parents Often Miss Before Rebellion Becomes Visible). What appears sudden is often the result of what has been quietly forming.
The absence of intentional biblical instruction does not produce neutrality, it produces drift.
Why Parents Must Not Jump Ahead
Parents often make a critical mistake. They see a problem and immediately move to correct the behavior. But Scripture calls parents to begin earlier and deeper. They must not jump ahead. The issue is not only what has surfaced, but what has been forming beneath the surface.
The father in Proverbs does not rush his instruction. He speaks carefully, repeatedly, and thoroughly. His aim is not merely to inform the mind, but to shape the heart: “Give attention to my words… keep them in the midst of your heart” (Proverbs 4:20–21).
This kind of parenting takes time. It is steady, patient, and intentional.
How to Teach the Fear of the Lord to Children
Teaching the fear of the Lord is not accomplished in a single moment. It is formed through consistent, everyday influence.
Instruction: Speaking Truth Regularly
“These words… you shall teach them diligently to your sons” (Deuteronomy 6:6–7).
Parents are helping children understand:
- who God is
- what He commands
- why His ways are right
Modeling: Showing What You Actually Fear
Children learn not only from what parents say, but from what parents live. If parents demonstrate trust in God, submission to His Word, and reverence in their decisions, children begin to see what it means to fear the Lord.
Correction: Connecting Behavior to the Heart
Discipline must go beyond behavior management. When a child disobeys, the issue is not only the action, but what ruled the heart. Parents can help the child see:
- what he wanted
- what he feared
- how he chose something other than God
Practical Examples: Helping Children See Their Hearts
Children need help recognizing how this works in real life.
- A child who follows peers to gain approval is showing fear of man
- A child who prioritizes comfort or possessions is showing misplaced worship
Parents can gently point this out: “You were more concerned about what your friends think than what God says.” This helps the child begin to see the connection between choices and worship.
What Happens When This Is Missing
When the fear of the Lord is not being formed, other influences quietly take control. By the time rebellion becomes visible:
- patterns are already established
- desires are already strengthened
- thinking is already shaped
This is why rebellion often feels sudden, but is not. What parents do not shape, something else will.
Encouragement for Parents
This is not a call to perfection. It is a call to faithful direction. God uses steady, ordinary obedience:
- speaking truth regularly
- correcting with purpose
- modeling reverence
Over time, this shapes the heart.
Conclusion: Formation Before Fragmentation
By the time rebellion becomes visible, much of the heart has already been shaped. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning…” Parents must begin there. What is formed early often determines the direction later.
Continue Reading on Biblical Parenting
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Written by : David M. Tyler, Ph. D.
David M. Tyler has a Doctor of Philosophy Degree in Biblical Counseling. He is the Director of Gateway Biblical Counseling and Training Center in Fairview Heights, Illinois; the Dean of the Biblical Counseling Department for Master’s International University of Divinity in Evansville, Indiana. Dr. Tyler is certified by the International Association of Biblical Counselors and Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. He lectures and leads workshops on Biblical counseling.
