“When Grief Hits Home, Part 4 Learning to Walk Again in Faith”

“Grief That Leads to Growth”

By David M. Tyler, PhD

Biblical Counseling Marriage and Family

This post is Part 4 of my When Grief Hits Home series.

If you missed Part 1,2, or 3 you can read them here: https://davidtylerbooks.com 

Part 1: When Grief Hits Home: A Biblical Path Through Loss

Part 2: When Grief Becomes a Habit: A Biblical Warning About Stuck Sorrow

Part 3 When the Tears Won’t Stop: A Biblical Way Forward

Biblical Grief Counseling: Sanctification Takes Time

There is no such thing as instant sanctification. Edith didn’t overcome habitual grief overnight. Instead, real change came step by step, through God’s Word and obedience.Paul reminded Timothy, “Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.” (1 Timothy 4:7)

Godliness doesn’t just happen. It requires daily effort. Edith learned that putting off sin and putting on righteousness is a disciplined choice.

Jesus explained it clearly: “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24)

For Edith, denying self meant rejecting her old ways. Taking up the cross meant putting sinful patterns to death. In short, desire was not enough, true change demanded discipline.

Edith’s Case Study: Returning to Church Through Biblical Grief Counseling

In a follow-up session one week later, I asked Edith if she had completed her counseling homework. She answered yes.
Her daughter explained the hardest assignment: returning to church. That Sunday, they sat in the car for ten minutes while Edith tried to compose herself. At last, she wiped her tears, adjusted her makeup, and walked inside.

It was more than just attending a service, it was a step of obedience, a step of courage, and the beginning of practicing her “put on.”

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“Biblical Change Is Not Casual”

Edith needed six or seven weeks of biblical grief counseling to consistently practice her “put on.” Real change doesn’t happen by accident. It requires structure, steady discipline, and repeated effort.

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“How Biblical Counseling Brings Heart Change”

Paul’s counsel in 2 Timothy 3:16 outlines a four-part framework:

• Teaching – Laying the foundation of truth

• Reproof – Gently confronting sin

• Correction – Pointing toward what is right

• Training in Righteousness – Building habits of holiness

Edith needed all four. It’s not enough to simply teach, rebuke, and correct. Edith needed to be trained in righteousness. That’s what the remaining counseling sessions focused on, building a new habit, practicing the put on.

Putting off and putting on takes time. For Edith, it was about five to seven weeks of intentional, structured work.

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Christian Grief Counseling: Growing to Maturity in Christ

The goal of biblical counseling is not just emotional relief. It’s Christlikeness.

“We proclaim Him… so that we may present every man complete in Christ.”
(Colossians 1:28)

God’s desire is not just to bring us comfort, but to conform us to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). Edith had to labor, but always through God’s power.

Paul adds: “For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me.”
(Colossians 1:29)

This is the sanctification partnership: human effort and divine power. Edith labored, coming to counseling, memorizing the put off and put on,  practicing the put on. However, it was God’s Spirit doing the inner work of transformation.

Sanctification: Human Effort and God’s Power in Grief

This is the paradox of sanctification: we labor, and God works. It’s not one or the other. Edith’s striving wasn’t independent of God’s strength, it was fully dependent on it.

Just as faith brings salvation, faith-driven obedience brings transformation / sanctification. Edith obeyed in faith, and God’s Spirit changed her heart.

It’s important to clarify: Christian grief counseling is not about acting better. The Pharisees obeyed the law externally but were rebuked by Jesus because their hearts were unchanged (Matthew 6).

True change flows from the heart. Edith didn’t just need to “do better”, she needed to be changed from within.

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Edith Still Grieves, But With New Hope

Edith still misses Archie. She still thinks of him daily. But grief no longer controls her. She is obedient. She is walking in faith.

Biblical grief counseling doesn’t erase grief, it redirects it toward worship, obedience, and hope. Her thoughts of grief no longer control her, she controls her thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5)

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Everyone Forms Habits, What Are Yours?

Proverbs warns: “They shall be filled with their own ways.”
(Proverbs 1:31)

But God calls us higher: “We make it our aim… to be pleasing to Him.”
(2 Corinthians 5:9)

That takes training. That takes the Word. That takes the Spirit of God.

God’s Silence Has Purpose in Our Grief
When Lazarus died, Jesus delayed. Why? So faith would grow.“Lazarus is dead, and I am glad… so that you may believe.”
(John 11:14–15)God doesn’t waste trials. He uses them to produce faith. Even His silences are filled with purpose.

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Overcoming Grief Biblically: Edith’s Faith in Action

By the end of counseling, Edith had new confidence, not in herself, but in Scripture. She learned the Bible is enough, even for a grieving 68-year-old widow.

God’s Word exposed her sinful grief and gave her the power to walk in obedience.

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The Power of God’s Word and Resurrection Hope

Jesus wept. Then He called Lazarus to life.

“Lazarus, come forth!”

That same voice can raise a grieving heart from despair to joy, from sorrow to obedience. That’s the power of Christ. It’s still at work today.Conclusion: Grief Changes, But Christ Gives Victory

Grief doesn’t end. But it changes. Through discipline, truth, and the Spirit of God, the grieving believer moves forward, not by forgetting, but by faithfully following Christ.

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