“When Grief Hits Home, Learning to Walk Again in Faith”

“Grief That Leads to Growth”

By David M. Tyler, PhD

Biblical Counseling Marriage and Family

This post is Part 4 of my When Grief Hits Home series.

If you missed Part 1,2, or 3 you can read them here: https://davidtylerbooks.com 

Part 1: When Grief Hits Home: A Biblical Path Through Loss

Part 2: When Grief Becomes a Habit: A Biblical Warning About Stuck Sorrow

Part 3 When the Tears Won’t Stop: A Biblical Way Forward

 

Edith’s Return to Church

In a follow-up session one week later, I asked Edith if she had completed her counseling homework. She said yes. Her daughter added that the hardest assignment was going back to church.

When they arrived that Sunday morning, Edith was visibly upset. They sat in the car for about ten minutes while she gathered herself. Finally, she wiped her tears, fixed her makeup, and walked into church. Her daughter said everyone was glad to see her, and she did great.

That small step was not small at all. It was an act of courage and obedience. She was “practicing” her put on.

Change Is Not Casual

It took Edith seven or eight weeks of practicing to put off excessive grief and put on obedience to God’s clear commands. Change, especially when it comes to sinful habits, doesn’t happen casually, it requires discipline.

There is no pill for sanctification. There’s no shortcut to spiritual growth. Paul reminds Timothy:

“Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.” (1 Timothy 4:7)

The secret to putting off sin and putting on righteousness is not a secret at all. It takes disciplined practice.

Denying Self and Taking Up the Cross

Jesus said:

“If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24)

Denying oneself means rejecting old ways of thinking. Taking up the cross means death to the old man, death to grief that dominates, immobilizes, and hinders obedience.

Biblical change always involves this dual action: putting off the old and putting on the new.

The Role of Scripture in Change

In every case of biblical change, we see this principle:

“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16)

It’s not enough to teach, reprove, or correct. Edith also needed to be trained in righteousness. That’s what biblical counseling focuses on, helping people live in such a way that they don’t fall back into their former sinful habit.

Training and acquiring new habits is essential. Edith didn’t just need to stop grieving excessively; she needed to learn how to live in righteousness. That took practice.

God’s Goal for Edith: Christlikeness

God’s goal for Edith wasn’t just emotional relief. It was completeness in Christ.

“We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ.” (Colossians 1:28)

Other ways to express this include “growing in the Lord,” “being conformed to the image of His Son” (Romans 8:29), or “becoming more Christ-like.”

Paul continues:

“For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me.”
(Colossians 1:29)

Human Effort Meets Divine Power

This is the beautiful paradox of sanctification: Edith had to labor, and God had to work. It’s not one or the other.

Both human effort and divine intervention are required. Edith’s striving wasn’t independent of God’s power—it depended on it.

It’s the same dynamic as salvation. We believe by faith, and the Holy Spirit brings about new birth. In sanctification, we strive by faith, and the Holy Spirit brings about heart change.

Not Behavior Modification

It’s vital to clarify: biblical counseling is not about behavior modification.

The Pharisees prayed, tithed, and obeyed the law, but Jesus called them hypocrites because their hearts were far from God (Matthew 6).

The goal isn’t checking boxes. It’s transformation of the heart.

All behavior flows from the heart. True change is spiritual. Edith could not merely “act better.” She needed to be changed from within, and only God can do that.

Real Obedience Requires Real Effort

Edith labored: she came to counseling, memorized verses, posted reminders, and practiced the put on.

But true change was not from her effort alone. The Holy Spirit worked in her because she obeyed in faith. That’s how heart change happens, our faith meets God’s power, and grace transforms us.

Edith Still Grieves—But Differently

Edith still thinks about Archie daily. But now, grief does not control her. It’s not habitual. She is no longer immobilized. She is doing what God requires.

Biblical grief counseling does not aim to erase grief, it aims to redirect it toward worship, obedience, and hope.

Everyone Habituates Something

Everyone, left unchecked, will develop habits of speaking, thinking, feeling, and behaving that displease God. Proverbs reminds us:

“They shall be filled with their own ways.” (Proverbs 1:31)

God calls us to something higher:

“We make it our aim… to be pleasing to Him.” (2 Corinthians 5:9)

That takes training, Scripture, and the Spirit of God working in the heart.

God’s Strange Silence and Glorious Purpose

Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus: Lazarus was sick. Jesus delayed. Lazarus died.

“So Jesus then said to them plainly, ‘Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes… so that you may believe.’” (John 11:14–15)

Jesus wasn’t glad about the sorrow. He was glad about what the sorrow would produce, faith.

Faith often grows strongest in silence and suffering. It thrives when it is tested. That’s why God does not always prevent trials. He uses them to grow our faith.

Edith’s Growing Faith

By the end of counseling, Edith had a new confidence, not in herself, but in the Word of God. Her faith had grown.

She learned the Bible is sufficient, even for a grieving 68-year-old widow. God’s Word revealed the sin of excessive grief and showed her how to walk in a way that pleases Him.

The Power of the Word and the Resurrection

Jesus wept. Then He shouted:

“Lazarus, come forth!”

And Lazarus walked out of the tomb.

What a testimony to Christ’s sympathy and power. He has the same power to raise hearts from the tomb of sorrow into the light of obedience and joy.

🔚 Conclusion

Grief doesn’t end. But it changes. Through discipline, truth, and the Spirit of God, the grieving believer can move forward, not by forgetting, but by faithfully following Christ.

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